Just Got Home

On Wednesday Khalid drove to Tulsa to pick me up, and we got home today at around 5pm. I am completely and utterly exhausted; it seems every little task is fifty times more difficult, and since I'm not really on top of my game, I still usually fuck things up and when I do I either start yelling incoherent phrases, beating inanimate objects or crying, hiccups included. Looking over documents and papers is tedious. The mere thought of making dinner is liable to send me into panic mode. I feel like a small child trying to tie her shoes, screaming "LEMME DO IT MOM!" And the mom, not unlike everyone around me, is just sitting there using every ounce of strength not to physically subdue the child and tie her kid's shoes for god's sake because we can't be late and get in the god damn car already!

Before this happened, sleeping until 8 in the morning was regarded as "sleeping in," but now I can easily sleep until 10 or later. I have also recently been taking several small naps in a day, or one big one. It's hard for me to get to sleep, and to stay that way once I'm there, because there are just so many things floating through my little head. Like, one of my favorites is, "Dude, your dad just died." Not even kidding. I call myself "dude" in my own thoughts.

I don't know how I'm going to get through this semester, although I did end up registering for all online classes. I imagine there will be days that getting out of bed will be too much to ask, so hopefully this will help things out a bit. I worry though, because by now, the end of the first week of classes, I would have had the assignment calendars memorized, at least 20 separate discussion board conversations going, and at the least, all documents for every class put in protective transparent plastic 3-hole folders and placed in their respective binders.

I'll keep you updated. Thanks for all the good thoughts you've been sending, and sorry that I haven't been the most receptive person lately.

Micah